Neon Genesis Evangelion: Limits
by Sithanas
Summary: [CHAPTER 4 UP] What happens when Shinji Ikari has his last buttons pushed? Everyone has their breaking point... Rated T for language and violence, and because FF stupidly changed the ratings. Quickedit must die.
1. Rage

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first attempt at writing a darkfic, and I hope it ends up good. What would happen if someone finally pushed Shinji's last buttons? Everyone has limits...  
  
Please read and review!  
  
Your loving (and tired) author,  
Sithanas  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Eva, just this fic.  
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Neon Genesis Evangelion: Limits  
01: Rage  
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In a quiet apartment in the outer regions of Tokyo-3, a troubled adolescent boy tossed and turned in his bed as the nightmares took him once again. Terrible images of towering monstrosities filled his mind, sharing space with the death of his mother and the harrowing circumstances revolving around his forlorn life. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it) for him, fate was conspiring to insure his wakefulness before the completion of his dreams.  
  
*BAM!*  
  
A slamming noise against the door to his room tossed him from his fitful slumber. He sat up groggily and tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. Apparently he wasn't fast enough, as a second *BAM* echoed from his door. Groaning, he mumbled something under his breath and stood to open his door.  
  
He was greeted by the sight of an angry redheaded girl who looked positively ready to tear his walls down.  
  
"Wh...whaddya want, Asuka?" He yawned wide, leaning on the wall for support.  
  
"Baka Shinji! I'm hungry, make breakfast!" Angerly, she stepped to the side and viciously jabbed her finger towards the kitchen. "Now!"  
  
"Hai, hai..." Groaning, he stumbled off in the direction of the bathroom, hoping that some cold water could perhaps wake him up. Asuka glared.  
  
"Shinji," she growled, "the kitchen is in the other direction..." She let her voice trail off, her tone hinting at impending violence if her "request" wasn't taken care of *now*.  
  
He either didn't hear or ignored her completely as he entered the bathroom, shutting the door. Asuka's jaw dropped. Was he openly defying her? This just couldn't be allowed. A house-broken male, as pathetic as they were, should behave like a house-broken male and that meant following orders. She stomped towards the bathroom. Pressing her ear up against the door, she heard the sink running and Shinji splashing water onto his face. She practically ripped the door off its hinges as she "opened" it, her face a mask of fury. Surging into the room, she grabbed Shinji by the collar and slammed him against the wall. She leaned in *real* close to his face and began to shout.  
  
"BAKA! I TOLD YOU TO GO MAKE BREAKFAST!" She literally threw him down the hallway in the direction of the kitchen, then began to stalk towards his crumpled form. Shinji scrambled to his feet and backed into the kitchen, muttering apologies. Thankfully, this placated Asuka as she went to go watch television.  
  
Shinji stood in the kitchen, thinking to himself as Asuka's breakfast cooked. He frowned at the thoughts that were crossing his mind.  
  
"Why's she always so mean to me? I'm nice to her. I cook for her, clean for her... I even care for her, a little I guess. But it's like she gets a huge kick out of finding an excuse to cause me pain...it's starting to make me annoyed..." He looked over at her omelet, thankfully snapping out of his reverie before he burned the food. Flipping it onto a plate and adding a couple pieces of toast, he set it on the table and called to her.  
  
"Asuka, its ready!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Shinji and Asuka sat quietly at the table, across from each other. Asuka was eating her omelet while Shinji just sat, watching her. Having nothing better to do, Asuka decided she should take offense to this.  
  
"Hentai! Stop staring at me!" Shinji, who hadn't even realized he was staring, blushed and looked down.  
  
"Gomen, Asuka." She jerked forward in her chair.  
  
"And don't start apologizing for everything either! Kami-sama, you can't do anything right!" She paused for a minute to finish the last bite of her breakfast, then continued her tirade. "I don't know why I even grace you with my presence! I can't believe-" She stopped suddenly as Shinji stood and whisked her plate over to the sink where he proceeded to wash it.  
  
"Baka Shinji, are you even listening to me?!" She stood and stalked over to Shinji, raising her arm to backhand him. "Pay attention when I tal-" She never finished the sentence. The room blurred around her as her body registered itself hitting the floor rather forcefully. Then she registered another fact... she couldn't breathe! She looked down to see what was causing this problem and her jaw dropped (metaphorically, as she couldn't move much in the position she was in). Shinji's foot was *on her throat*! He grinned manically and spoke in a deadly soft whisper.  
  
"All you had to do was show a little kindness. But no, you just had to keep pushing." He leaned in closer, keeping the pressure on as she started to claw ineffectively at his leg. "Well, you know what? You're pretty fucked now! Whatchya gonna do? Beg? Cry?" She was giving dry gasps now, desperately trying to get some air into her lungs. "Well, too bad."  
  
It was a full minute later, as Asuka was beginning to pass out, when Shinji finally took mercy on her. Removing his foot he stepped back, allowing air to flood her lungs. She sucked it in greedily and coughed hard, her now bruised throat reminding her that it was only a few minutes ago that she was nearly dead. She staggered upright to face Shinji, who was looking at her with disgust in his eyes. He spoke again before she could.  
  
"You know, I actually cared for you. I would almost go as far as to call it the beginnings of love. But you took that and threw it all away, you know that?" He got in her face, his voice dropping to a deadly smooth whisper. "Don't think I don't hear you crying at night. You wonder why no one loves you. Well, let me ask you something, Second Child. Did you ever look at yourself?" He slapped her again, viciously, sending her back to the floor with the force of the blow. Averting his eyes, he turned his back on her and walked out. The last sound she heard was the front door closing as he left. The sound echoed in the apartment, then was drowned out as it was filled with the sounds of her tears.  
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End Chapter 1  
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End Note: Wow, dark fiction is hard to write when you don't have a lot of practice at it. I know I'm gonna get shouted at for "OOC OOC OOC", so let me explain before you all lynch me. Look at how Shinji acted during combat with the fourteenth angel. He was going to RIP THE BLOODY HEAD OFF! If that's not repressed anger, I don't know what is. All this fic does is release that anger in another direction, namely Asuka. I'm also playing off of Asuka's insecurities. She tried to get close to Shinji unconsciously, while at the same time she pushed herself away from him painfully. When she realized she had finally truly lost him...  
  
Um... you can all put the ropes and torches away... no, really, you can...  
  
Anyways, I'm getting off track. More shall be revealed in the next chapter!  
Please read and review!  
  
Your loving author,  
Sithanas 


	2. Tears

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! I'm surprised so many of you thought this was actually good. I personally thought it was horrible.  
  
To answer the question about timeframe, there really isn't a specific one. I guess if I had to place it, it would be set around the 14th Angel.  
  
Please read and review!  
  
Your loving author, Sithanas  
  
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Neon Genesis Evangelion: Limits  
  
02: Tears  
  
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"Hai, moshi moshi." Misato Katsuragi's voice was rough, broken, as if she had been crying all day, which she had. So when she picked up the phone, she wasn't sounding at her best. But that changed when she heard the voice on the other end.  
  
"Misato-san...I-" He couldn't finish before she exploded.  
  
"Shinji-kun! Where are you? Are you all right? What's going on!"  
  
"Misato-san, I'm sorry for running away like I did. I need a break. Gomen nasai, Misato-san...I think I'll come back eventually. If you need to find me, you know where I'll be."  
  
"Shinji-kun, wait! Don't go yet!"  
  
"Gomen, Misato-san. Goodbye." The phone Misato was holding went dead. She let it drop limply onto the table. Holding her head in her hands, she let the brimming tears fall from her eyes. "Shinji-kun..."  
  
In Asuka's room, the situation was no brighter. She was lying curled on her futon, clutching her knees to her chest. Tears streamed down her face unchecked, and her voice, bruised already from her battle with Shinji in the morning, was completely broken from crying. Only a single thought ran through her mind.  
  
"He loved me...but I drove him away...I always drive away the ones that are close to me..." She pulled her legs closer. "I hate myself."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Shinji stood at the Tokyo-3 lookout, the same place Misato had taken him to after his battle with the Third. He often came here when he felt like being alone. He looked out thoughtfully over the city that he had so often protected and searched his feelings for some sense of ...pride, almost. All he found was an abyss of sadness and an incredible, aching exhaustion.  
  
"Ikari-kun." Shinji turned, surprised to hear that voice.  
  
"Ayanami. What are you doing here?"  
  
"I came looking for you. Neither you nor Sorhyu showed up for synch tests today. I was...worried." He smiled at her.  
  
"Ayanami...thank you for caring." She colored slightly as he continued. "Asuka...she scares me. No matter what I do, all she does is hurt me. So I- I hurt her back. But I don't feel any better for doing it. I- I just feel so empty inside, like I have nothing... nothing at all..." He collapsed to his knees, tears rolling down his cheeks. He dropped his face, not wanting Ayanami to see his tears. His anguished cries echoed out over the clearing. "Nobody can ever want me...all I ever do is hurt people I care for...it's all my fault. I HATE MYSELF! I HATE M-" Ayanami placed her hand over his mouth, silencing him.  
  
"Ikari-kun... everyone in Tokyo-3 cares for you. We rely on you for our existence. You do not hurt us, you sustain us."  
  
"But it's not really me! All I do is follow orders! That's all I'm good for, following orders! If no one tells me what to do, I just go and fuck up!" Rei drew back slightly, surprised to hear him swear, but he continued. "God, I'm so pathetic! Why do I even exist?! I'm just here to die!" He dropped to his knees, sobbing. Ayanami stepped closer and placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. She drew in a breath and tried again.  
  
"Ikari-kun, everyone at NERV and everyone living in Tokyo-3 relies on you. You cannot give up. We need you here, with us." She took a deep breath, subconsciously realizing that the next topic she had to broach would not be an easy one. "I was told by the commander to ask you a question. Will you continue to pilot EVA?" He looked up at her, the tears still shining in his eyes, and it was instantly obvious that that had been the last thing he had wanted to hear.  
  
"I...I don't know yet. Tell my fath- I mean *the commander* (his words filled with an icy coldness at the mention of his name) that I have not decided, and that he *cannot* force me no matter what he tries." He smiled softly and his voice softened a bit. "You're going back to NERV, aren't you? May I walk with you?" She nodded and looked at him, her face a silent question.  
  
"I need to arrange for separate quarters...I could use some time alone, to think, I guess." He smiled wistfully, but it didn't really extend to his eyes. "Besides, I don't think Asuka wants me to come back home right now..." Ayanami simply nodded and offered him a hand to help him to his feet. Gratefully accepting, he grasped her and rose. Together, they set off to the nearest NERV entrance.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Major Misato Katsuragi stood stiffly at attention in the office of Commander Gendo Ikari. Ikari stared at her from behind her desk, performing the patented steepled-hand-intimidation maneuver. His eyes were hidden behind those ever-present sunglasses, and when combined with the dark, brooding atmosphere of the room, they were causing Misato to sweat nervously just a bit. Finally, the commander spoke.  
  
"I understand that the Third Child has applied for a transfer of residence to a single apartment, and I thought that perhaps you could explain why he would be desirous of living alone. Please do so, Major." Misato suppressed a gasp of surprise. She hadn't known that Shinji wanted to move out. Her voice was shaky and nervous as she tried to formulate a response.  
  
"Asuka and Shinji have been...well, they had a rather violent falling out not to long ago. I don't think Shinji-kun feels very comfortable around her right now, and he probably just wants some time to figure things out, sir. It probably seemed better to him than running away did."  
  
"Why was I not notified of this...altercation sooner?" His voice was deadly cold and sent shivers up and down Misato's spine.  
  
"I only became aware of it a short while ago, and didn't believe it to be major enough to warrant your attention, sir." 'And I was worried that you might have Asuka 'replaced',' she added in her head.  
  
"Let this be a reminder to you, Major Katsuragi, that *everything* causing a change in the pilots warrants my attention. We cannot afford to lose the Third Child. His housing request will be approved. Consider yourself on report, Major. Do not let this happen again." She gritted her teeth and nodded.  
  
"Yes sir." Turning, she strode out of the room. Once she was outside of the room, she turned and kicked a wall hard.  
  
"Why, dammit, why! We had a *family*!" Tears ran down her face. Her voice trailed off. "A family..."  
  
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End Chapter 2  
  
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End Note: Wow, that took an awful lot of rewrites. I'm not really good at this whole darkfiction thing. It's really kind of difficult. The hardest part is maintaining that depressing atmosphere. It's almost painful at times. I keep trying to go for a more lighthearted fic. Ugh, that Rei/Shinji scene was so damn difficult! Rei is tough to write for, and she still ended coming out somewhat OOC. Damn. Oh well, I should improve with time.  
  
I'm going to be on vacation from July 5th to 12th, but I'm taking an old laptop-like device called an eMate 300 (old Apple tech, don't ask) with me so I can continue to write while I'm away. Which means that, hopefully, I should have a chapter or two finished by the time I come back. Hopefully.  
  
Interesting thing to note about reviews: This fic-1 chapter, 1200 words, 21 reviews. My other fic-6 chapters, 11,500 words, 20 reviews. You know what that means? You all need to read my other fic! Pleeeeeeease?  
  
Please read and review!  
  
Your loving author, Sithanas 


	3. Fears

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I keep hearing that this story has "potential", whatever you all mean by that. Hopefully I can live up to all of your expectations. Yes, it's short. It will get longer as I get better at writing darkfiction - well, hopefully at least. Yes, it's a little out of character - at least in the anime sense. I find I prefer the character profiles in the mangas rather than the anime - they give me a little more room to work in. For those of you that haven't read the Evangelion manga, Rei becomes a lot more open with Shinji than in the anime, and Shinji is more willing to let his temper show. Oh, and Asuka is physically violent, not just verbally.   
  
Enjoy!  
  
Your loving author,  
  
Sithanas  
  
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Neon Genesis Evangelion: Limits  
  
03: Fears  
  
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In a NERV housing complex on the outskirts of Tokyo-3, an adolescent boy tossed and turned in his bed, his dreams - nightmares, actually - filled with images of a red-headed girl...  
  
"I hate you! I HATE EVERYONE!" *SLAP* "Get away from me, Third Child! I don't want your pity! I hate you! I HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!" They were standing on the balcony of Misato's apartment, with Shinji on the edge and Asuka standing in the doorway. He took a breath and tried to speak.  
  
"Asuka, please-" She cut him off.  
  
"Just LEAVE!" And she balled her hand into a fist and punched and he hit the railing and flipped over it, his hands just missing the edge as he grabbed for purchase, and he was falling and falling towards the ground, the seconds seeming to stretch out as Asuka's angry face peered over the railing at him and then he hit and the world was pain and pain and pain and pain and pain.....  
  
The pounding roar of an Angel alarm blasted Shinji from his slumber. He shot upright, drenched in sweat, sheets tangled around his legs. His cell phone began to ring a moment later and he grabbed it, bringing it to his ear. An operator greeted him on the other end.  
  
"Pilot Ikari, your presence is required at NERV Headquarters immediately. There is an incoming angel." A *click* signified that the line had gone dead. Shinji slumped back against the headboard of the bed, the phone dropping from his nerveless fingers. Clutching his legs to his chest, he began to cry, muttering softly to himself.  
  
"I must not run away, I must not run away, I must not run away..." Covering his face with his hands, Shinji Ikari sobbed, his thoughts of a red-headed girl, and how he just ran away.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Aoba's voice echoed through the bridge level of Command. "Visual confirmation of Angel. This is maximum magnification."  
  
Hyuga was next. "It's not moving from its orbit. Aoba bounced back, like a ping-pong ball.  
  
"It's maintaining a constant distance from our position." Misato broke in, arms crossed under her chest.  
  
"So, does that mean that it's looking for a place to land? Or that it's going to destroy us from up there?" Hyuga returned to the conversation.  
  
"We can't attack it easily from this position." Now he was playing verbal ping-pong with Misato.  
  
"Unless it comes into our range, there's nothing we can do. The Evas can't destroy an enemy that's in orbit. What's Rei's status?" Ibuki fielded the question this time.  
  
"She and Unit 00 are both in good condition."  
  
"Understood. Launch Unit 00. Prepare for extreme long range firing. Unit 02, Asuka, be ready to launch as her backup." Asuka's face on the comm display was one of shock.  
  
"Backup? Me? For Unit 00?!"  
  
"That's right, take the rear guard position."  
  
"You can't be serious. Evangelion Unit 02, launch!" Ritsuko reflexively shouted her name as the rails crackled, but it was too late. Unit 02 was already ascending. Misato showed no surprise - thinking of it, it was to be expected.  
  
"It's okay. Let her take the point if that's what she wants." Hyuga was obviously not as calm about it.  
  
"Major Katsuragi!" Ritsuko leaned towards Ibuki conspiratorially.  
  
"If she fails this time, Asuka won't be allowed to pilot anymore." Ibuki turned so she could glance back at her teacher.  
  
"You mean this is her last chance?" Ritsuko leaned in closer, her voice lowering to a near whisper.  
  
"Let's start preparing to replace Unit 02's pilot, just in case." Ibuki looked troubled at this.  
  
"Yes ma'am." Hyuga turned around to look at Major Katsuragi."Excuse me, but aren't you going to launch Unit 01?"  
  
"It's to remain frozen. Those are Commander Ikari's orders." She frowned slightly, remembering the bloody remains of the 14th Angel. 'After what happened, it's a good idea.'  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Asuka's head snapped back as her Eva slammed to a halt at the end of the launch rail. Warning buzzers sounded as a weapons elevator opened in front of her, a positron cannon rising from it. She reached forward and grabbed the rifle, mounting it in the proper position on her Eva's shoulder.  
  
"If I fail this time, they're not going to let me pilot anymore. You can't make any mistakes this time, Asuka." The rain outside damped everything, making it hard to get a lock, not to mention the fact that the damned Angel wasn't coming any closer. She raised the rifle into the sky, frowning as the targeting indicators refused to converge. Aoba's voice sounded in her ears.  
  
"The target is still out of range." She gritted her teeth."Why in the hell are you so slow?! Come on down, you lazy Angel!" She stared at her screen, willing the indicators to converge. And suddenly they did, as a starburst of light appeared in front of her. She only had time for a single gasp before she was enveloped.  
  
Klaxons sounded all over command as the Angel's psychic beam began to erode Asuka's defenses. She whipped the rifle towards the target and fired. It was no use, the Angel was too far away. She pounded on her trigger, emptying the rifle's cartridge at anything at all. Explosions erupted all over the city. She screamed.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Rei squinted into the targeting assembly of her Eva. The Angel was harming a fellow pilot - it had to be stopped. She had to make the shot. Voices echoed in her ears.  
  
"Accelerator synchronization initiated."  
  
"Voltage is increasing. Approaching pressure zone."  
  
"Compulsory focus convergence, activated."  
  
"Correction for the Earth's rotation and gravity, point oh three."  
  
"Pressure in the chamber is at maximum." Hyuga's voice finally made itself heard.  
  
"Release the final safety lock. All personnel, prepare for firing." She squeezed the trigger, gritting her teeth as the recoil blew her Eva backwards. Fire erupted from the barrel of her cannon, and a golden beam of positrons leapt skywards. It hit the AT Field of the Angel, and shattered. Aoba's voice reported the failure.  
  
"No effect! There wasn't enough energy to penetrate it's AT Field from this distance." She ignored other discussion. She had failed in her task. She heard Ikari-kun pleading to be allowed to launch, to help Asuka.  
  
"Rei. Go to Dogma and get the Lance." Commander Ikari's voice snapped her out of her reverie. Once again, she had a purpose. She strode towards an elevator. But a thought nagged her, just barely at the edge of her mind. 'All you are is a doll... without purpose, you are nothing... *nothing*.' She closed her eyes, struggling to banish the voice back to the inner depths of her soul once again.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Asuka reflexivly snapped forward in her chair as the Angel's beam released her. Her breathing was deep and labored as she struggled to cope with the experience she had just had. A single tear, unbidden and uncontrolled, slipped down her cheek. Her lips worked, a nearly silent whisper slipping out.  
  
"That bitch rescued *me*... that bitch rescued *me*..." She pulled her knees to her chest. "Why couldn't I just have died...?" Silent tears began to slip down her cheeks, dissolving into the LCL. She buried her face in her knees. "I wish I was dead."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I'm glad you're okay, Asuka." Shinji stood outside the bright yellow caution tape, watching as Asuka clutched her knees to her chest, sitting in a pool of LCL.  
  
"Shut up, Third Child! Who the hell is okay?! That little bitch rescued me! I'd rather have DIED!" She began to silently cry as he looked on, making her feel even more miserable. 'I promised myself I wouldn't cry anymore... I'm so irresolute...'  
  
Shinji watched in silence as Asuka sobbed silently, the only sound being her heaving for air as she cried. He could feel the aching gulf between them. He wanted to do something to help her, to support her, but he had no idea how. He snarled bitterly to himself. 'It's not as if she'd ever like me anyways... no one cares about me, so why do I even bother?' The answer came back to him, as always. 'Because you love her.'  
  
Asuka felt his eyes boring into the back of her head. Picturing his face in her mind, she felt a sudden urge to run to him and just cry in his arms. Not even a second later, she ruthlessly crushed that idea before it could even start to take hold. 'I couldn't possibly love that spineless baka. Kaji-san is more my kind of guy... right?' But her mind was unrelenting. Asuka couldn't just forget about Shinji. 'But after he acted, at the apartment... and what he said... he must hate me now.' Unknown to each other, the two came to the same realization at the same time.  
  
'Why should I even bother to love if getting close to someone will only hurt me?'  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
==A DAY LATER==  
  
It was after ten p.m. as Shinji slowly approached the apartment where he used to live. In one hand was a bunch of flowers, in the other a card with one word scrawled on it in his worst handwriting. He shook with each step as he approached.  
  
'Should I do this? Asuka hates me... Misato hates me... even Father hates me. I'm worthless to them all now. All they care about is Eva, not me... my only purpose in life is to die anyways... I hope she can forgive me for this.'  
  
Asuka lay face down on her futon, eyes open but unseeing. The events from her sortie kept replaying in her mind, over and over. She felt the pain of the Angel's ray as it violated her mind, combing through her memories in an effort to understand. She saw herself, running through the hallways towards a closed door. The handle turned... and her mother hung from the ceiling, the red doll that Asuka knew was her hanging next to her. Snapping upright, Asuka screamed. She head-butted the wall, shattering the image in her mind, a fresh wave of pain replacing the horrid visions. By looking at the bloodstained wall and the bruised girl, one could tell that she had been at this for several hours. When the doorbell rang, she had almost begun to stare unseeing again. Rising unsteadily, she trudged to the door and punched the opener. There was no one there. Looking down, she spied a bundle of flowers. Picking them up, she looked at them critically.  
  
'Probably a gift from Kaji to Misato... that bastard...' Grabbing the bundle, she separated the card and dropped it on the kitchen counter to read later. She pulled a vase from a closet, filled it, and dropped the flowers in. Still holding the vase, she flipped open the card. Her eyes went wide, the vase dropping from her nerveless fingers as she collapsed to her knees, the tears she had been struggling to hold in streaming freely down her face. The vase shattered on contact with the floor, spraying her with glass. Asuka didn't even notice. The card landed face-up, its one word written in ink red like blood rendered visible to the world.  
  
Sayonara.  
  
When the Section Two agents arrived at Shinji's quarters less than a minute later, they found him collapsed on the floor, a new bottle of sleeping pills near his hand. Before it had been opened, it had contained fifty of the small tablets. It was empty. They grabbed his limp form, rushing to the nearby NERV entrance and the infirmary within. As they ran, Shinji's heart, fluttering weakly, gave one last final beat of defiance - and stopped. Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit 1, the Third Child, and newly fifteen, had finally found the strength to end his life. It had been his birthday. His last breath slipped from his lips, forming one word.  
  
"Asuka..."  
  
But as Shinji Ikari's body shut down in the throes of death, he rushed towards the machinery in the heart of NERV that could save his life. Would he live, or would he die? Only time could tell.  
  
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End Chapter 3  
  
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End Note: Gomen, gomen, gomen! I said I'd be faster, but I'm pretty sure I actually took longer to get this chapter posted than I did with two. I'm sorry for the wait, but since my school just started back up... well, it's kind of hectic. I'll try to write faster, I swear.  
  
Ha ha, a cliffhanger! Doesn't that just suck? I'm trying to get back into the original darkfiction atmosphere here, and I think I did pretty well. Only my reviews will tell me for sure though.  
  
Anyways, for those of you who haven't read my other fanfiction, NGE: SG, you should. To make it really easy, all you have to do is scroll to the top of the page, click on my author name, and click the other story in my profile. That is, after you review this one. Eheheh. Please?  
  
Please read and review!  
  
Your loving (and exhausted, IBs suck) author,  
  
Sithanas 


	4. Solitude

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yeah, it's been a while. I was really busy and before I knew it, it's my senior year and I've lost track of my fanfiction. Apologies to all my readers, at least those who remain waiting faithfully for the next chapter of Limits. Shall we see if I can provide?

Your procrastinating author (who hopes to end all hope that he gets into college),  
Sithanas

* * *

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Limits  
04: Solitude

* * *

Misato Katsuragi never liked hospitals, not really. They always struck her as too cold and clean, with that faint tinge of antiseptic that tortured your nostrils with its exquisitely painful odor. Sometimes she wondered why she bothered to keep Shinji around; after all, he was more often than not the cause of her hated hospital visits. 

Then again, the occasional hospital visit was more than worth the multitude of happy experiences the somewhat warped Katsuragi household had had since they'd been thrown together.

A deep sigh followed this thought as Misato strode through the doors of the First Cranial Nerve wing of NERV's onsite medical facility. This experience was far from happy, a fact attested to by the pallor of her face, marred by streaks of dried tears and the redness of eyes that had only recently ceased to shed them. Looking around, Misato made eye contact with one of the facility's nurses. There was no need for words.

"This way, Major Katsuragi. I'll take you." The walk through the corridor was brief. "I'll let you go in and sit for a while. When you're ready, please come and see me at the desk and I'll give you the full report." Misato nodded and touched the door's control. It slid noiselessly aside on polished tracks and she entered the darkened room.

'It's quieter than I thought it'd be,' thought Misato. Only the occasional chirrup of a monitor disturbed the unnatural peace of the hospital room. Shinji Ikari lay in his bed, the covers pulled up to his collarbone, his body hidden from view. A pair of slender wires snaked out from under the blanket to the room's monitor spine, which had a single display attached. Colored lines traced their way across the display's rows, displaying the pulse and breathing of the patient. Another line, this one thicker and clear, slipped under the blanket from the opposite side, its origin a bag of nutrient fluid, its purpose to keep the Third Child fed while he was unable to feed himself.

Misato sat heavily in one of the chairs in the room and gazed at Shinji's still face. Slowly, tears began to silently spill from her eyes. She couldn't do anything but sit and stare. She felt nothing except an incredible emptiness, a feeling that something should be coming, but isn't. There was nothing for her to do but watch, and whisper.

"I tried, Shinji, I really did... I'm so sorry."

Fifteen minutes later, she emerged unsteadily into the corridor and managed to find her way back to the desk. The nurse was waiting, and handed Misato a clipboard. She grasped it and leaned heavily on the desk, supplanting her unsteady legs as she read the charts on the printed page.

"Major, the Third Child has experienced serious psychological trauma, of an intensity that's caused him to slip into a coma. I'd like to have something else to say, but honestly, all we can do is wait and hope he comes out of it."

"Yeah. I know."

"Ma'am, I'm sorry. I have to ask you to leave now. Our visiting hours are ending. You could obtain a waiver... but I wouldn't advise it. Go home and try to sleep. Ma'am."

"Yeah." With that, Misato set the clipboard back on the counter. Even the gentle, slow movement seemed to take an incomprehensible amount of strength out of her. Squaring her shoulders as best she could, she made her way to the First Cranial Nerve's exit and back to the surface train that would take her home.

* * *

It had been nearly a full day since Asuka had last moved. She lay slumped on her bed, her back against the wall, facing her door and desk. Her eyes were open and staring, seeing and not seeing at the same time. The tears that had trickled down her face had stopped coming, her body finally unable to release the precious water necessary for the task. She no longer felt anything - not sadness, not anger, not emptiness, not the numb feeling of not knowing what to feel - just nothing. It was as if life had ceased to exist for her. All she saw was one word, and all she heard was that same word spoken to her in Shinji's soft voice. 

'Sayonara.'

It still shocked her how simple something could be, and yet so complex at the same time. The simplicity of the word belied the strength of its meaning - parting, loss, and incomprehensible yearning. Without even trying, Asuka had broken Shinji and broken herself as a result. And yet, she felt almost proud of him in a way. He had finally found the strength he needed to act for himself. He wasn't spineless, and he wasn't the same housebroken Shinji she had always known. Without trying, she had brought out the Shinji she had always felt was there. Shinji, the Destroyer of Angels. Shinji, the Destroyer of Lives. Shinji... the Destroyer of Asuka.

As she lay slumped on her bed, her hand clasped something cold and metallic. Her fingers curved around a knurled metal grip, her index slipping into a rectangular hole and coming to rest on a thin blade of metal. Asuka brought the antique Colt M1911 up to her head, letting the barrel rest lightly against her temple. She didn't deserve the praise of the world anymore, or her EVA. She had ruined the best person she had ever known. She had made him hate himself more than anything else, hate himself enough to finally want to end it all. And as Misato slid open her door (still without the lock she had once desperately desired), she depressed the trigger.

Misato watched as the trigger moved backwards, the full metal hammer of the antique Colt moving backwards into its double action strike phase. She frantically screamed at her muscles to throw off the lethargy caused by her sleepless crying, to send her flying towards Asuka and to knock the pistol away before it was too late, before everything ended and it would be impossible to pretend that any normalcy still existed. She watched as the hammer reached its apex, and snapped downwards onto the striker and firing pin. She heard the metallic click of steel on steel, saw the pin move forwards, and felt as if she could see the primer in the bullet casing depress and ignite. Her hand made contact with the barrel. The powder caught flame. Pressure built. The forty-five caliber shell began to move down the barrel, spinning from the rifling as Misato shoved the barrel away from Asuka's head. And time snapped back to normal, the slug ripping out of the barrel and into the wall of the apartment, severing several strands of Asuka's hair in passing and possibly leaving powder burns on her scalp. Misato slammed into the wall, her momentum carrying her onto and over Asuka. She rolled off and grabbed Asuka by the shoulders, shaking her.

"What the HELL were you thinking! For the love of god, Asuka! I almost lost one member of this family today, I am not going to fucking lose another!" At the word almost, Asuka blinked, then looked slightly at Misato.

"He... isn't...?" Misato released her and slumped onto the bed, again looking exausted.

"Shinji's in a coma. We don't know when he's going to come out, but we can try to help him by being with him. Not by taking rash action." At this, Asuka slumped back against the wall and closed her eyes.

"I can't help him. I did this to him. I didn't want this, all I wanted was to see the Shinji I knew was there... I'm worthless, Misato. I can't kill angels, I can't do anything. I can't even help Shinji." Misato laid her hand on Asuka's shoulder.

"Asuka, you're part of this family. As long as you are, you'll be worth something." Laying her back against the bed, Misato covered her gently with the blankets. "Sleep now." She picked up the pistol and stepped out of the room, sliding the door shut.

As soon as Misato was out of sight and earshot of Asuka's room, she slumped backwards against the wall and slid to the floor. Fresh tears poured from her eyes.

"All I wanted was a family... I'm trying, I really am. Why do I keep losing...?" She sat there, knees pulled to her chest and head resting on her kneecaps, crying.

Section Two found her there, asleep, when she failed to report in the next morning.

* * *

End Chapter 4

* * *

End Note: I'm officially an alumnus from the International Academy of Bloomfield Hills, Michigan. Whether that's good or not remains to be seen. And I'm heading off to Michigan State University in the fall, which is very cool. If I'm lucky, I'll even get my IB diploma. That'd be nice. 

This chapter was very hard to write. It's getting more and more difficult to put myself mentally in a place where I can write this fiction, and I think it might be suffering as a result. I'm really happy with it up until the part where Misato actually has to start talking to Asuka. That part I'm sort of worried about. Comments please?

Oh, and neither Misato nor Asuka are dead. At least not physically.

Please read and review!

Your loving author,  
Sithanas


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